Peter Pot
by Chica890
Summary: Peter Pot,named as a synonym of PAN--Peter isn't a druggie.PG-13 for some lang,nothing really bad.A little off-plot. OK, VERY off-plot.What's the point of nonsensical humor if you use the plot someone else has already created? Where's the creativity? R&R!
1. The Boy With Green Tights

Disclaimer: I do not own any familiar characters, Shania Twain, her lyrics, or any other celebrity guests that may or may not appear. I mean well. Please don't sue me! *smile*  
  
So, before I start, hi everybody! This is my first fanfic, so please REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Good or bad. Be truthful. Thanks to Danielle and Allison, who made this Fic possible :)!!! Ok, now onto the story!  
  
'Tap tap tap'. Wendyicamous Lucretia Aroural Deprinda Bellowfield sat straight up in bed. Her friends called her Wendy.   
  
"What was THAT odd tapping?" she asked. No answer. "*cough* What was that odd tapping?" she asked again. Still no answer. Suddenly a boy in tights appeared in front of her bed.  
  
"It was I, Wendyicamous! Peter pot!"   
  
"Are..are..are.." Wendy studdered  
  
"Ah, yes, a little starstruck I presume" said Peter in a would-be modest voice.  
  
"Are..Are you.." She continued to studder.  
  
"Yes! Yes! It is I, Peter Pot! IT IS I!!!" Peter says as he struck a heroic pose atop Wendy's brother's bed.  
  
"Are you the toothfairy????!!!" Wendy finally managed to say, smiling and revealing her missing front tooth.  
  
"EXCUSE ME!" Said Peter indignantly. "The TOOTH FAIRY? The TOOTH FAIRY? Do I look like a tooth fairy?!" He suddenly flung himself down onto the bed and began to sob. "WHY? Why is it that I am tortured day and night for these cursed green spandex? WHY WHY WHY????" He began to slam his fist on the bedside table, hitting the candlestick and flinging it onto the rug, which promptly burst into flames. "Curse you, fire!!!" Peter shouted, redeeming his heroic pose and attempting to stamp out the fire with his little green slipper-ish shoe. At this point Wendy whipped out a fire extinguisher and extinguished the rug and Peter's feet. Peter smiled like nothing had happened. "Soo.. the reason im here is the take you to..." A man with a tall blue and gold hat and a large drum marched into the room and played a drumroll. "NEVER-NEVER-LAND!!!" 


	2. Sinisterlooking Bushes and Drums

Ok, so i'm freaking out a little because I jsut posted my first chapter and I can't find it when I don't log in, so I dunno if it takes awhile or whatever. Well if anyone out there read it tell me if its stupid or w/e and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!! Thnx! And on to the next chapter...  
  
  
  
"Jon! George! Wake up! There's a boy in green spandex here and he thinks we can jump out the window to a place where we never grow up!"   
  
"I've heard weirder," Replied Jon, heading for the window.  
  
"Wait!" shouted Wendy, just as Jon was about to jump put into a large, prickly, sinister-looking bush. Wendy never understood why their landscaper had chosen that. But anyway. "Stop! Peter is in the bathroom and we can't fly without him!"   
  
"Peter?" said Wendy's youngest brother, George, sitting up. "Ooo, Weeeeendy's goooot a booooooyfrieeend!" he sang. Just then Peter entered.   
  
"Holy large prickly sinister-looking bushes!" shreiked Jon and he ran behind George for cover.   
  
Peter's chin quivered. "These..blasted...green..spandex..." he was on the verge of an outbreak.   
  
"I love your tights!" said Jon quickly, trying to avoid this strange-tight wearing-flying boy from waking his mother or father.   
  
"REALLY??" said Peter, suddenly looking up with a new-found meaning of life. He took a deep breath as he was about to burst into song...  
  
"Peter!" Wendy cut in. This is George, he's 6. Say hello, George." George just moved his mouth soundlessly. Peter didn't notice.   
  
"Why, hello young George. I am...PETER POT!" Peter shouted as the man with the drum entered once again. The thought breifly went through Wendy's mind of why they were worried about Peter's crying waking up their parents and not the drums, but she quickly dismissed it, things were too weird already. 


	3. Jumping Out Windows While Thinking of Sa...

Ok, sorry it's been so long i had SO much hw. Anyway. I want to thank everyone who reviewed!!! i love reviews!!! thank you so much everyone! And now, without further ado...  
  
"I don't know about this, Peter." Wendy said uneasily. This whole jumping-out-windows thing was starting to make her skeptical of Peter's insanity. Infact, Peter had spent 2 years at an insane assilym until he broke the bars off the window and flew away. But that is another story.   
  
"You'll be fine, Wendy. Just think happy happy thoughts." Peter said, whipping out his famous mock-heroic smile. He pointed to George and beckoned him voer mto the window. "Now, George. Think of something happy. Like...Santa Claus."   
  
George shrugged and concentrated on the thought of little people-who actually looke somewhat like Peter- running around making toys. Suddenly WEndy shreiked as Peter pushed George out the window.  
  
"I can fly! I can fly! Look Wendy! I can fly!" George soared gracefully around in the sky as dramatic triumphant music played in the backround. The children all watched in awe as George sailed back through thw indow and landed on the floor. Everyone cheered. It was a moment. After a minute or two of discussing something happy enough to keep them from falling hundreds of feet adn dying a pianful death on their way to never-neverland, the 3 bellowfield children and Peter Pot flew out the window into the night sky. True, some people takling a late0night stroll in the town below were a little confused, but they dismissed the idea, thinking that they were seeing oddly shaped birds. And yes, mother and father Bellowfield were a teensy bit worried in the morning to find a burned rug, an open window, a knocked over candle, 3 missing children, and worst of all-Peter had left the toilet seat up. 


	4. Well, that was weird

OK everyone- sorry chapter 3 was so short!!! I didnt realize when i was typing it! I'd like to shoutout to: Padfoot-dreamer, Amadea, and KOI for all their reviews!! review ppl!!! So anyway, chapter 4:  
  
"Calm down, Wendy. just whatever you do, don't look down!" Peter said reassuringly to Wendy, who was very worried about flying purely on the thought of Finnagin Smith noticing her. But once again, that is a different story. So, as all characters do in this sort of situation, Wendy looked down.   
  
"PETER! ARE YOU MAD?" She shreiked with a heavy british accent. Really she knew that Peter was already insane, she just enjoyed saying "are you mad" with a British accent. It was actually very fun.  
  
"Just think happy thoughts! There is the island now!" Peter pointed to a small island next to another small skull-shaped island. "Follow me!" he shouted as he did a graceful swoop through the air. He nose-dived straight toward the island as the kids followed. To Wendy's relief they were headed for the friendlier-looking of the two. They were now flying through a forest.   
  
"George!" Wendy suddenly shouted. "George! George! George in the jungle!" everyone joined in, "Watch out for that- tree." they said as George sailed headlong into a large redwood. He plopped to the ground.   
  
"Hey ya'll. I guess i didn't go-" The man with the drum flew down and played a fe notes as George burst into song, "Up! Up, up, we can only go-o u-up from here! Up up!"   
  
"Well i'll be! The boy must think he's-" the man with the drum played a dramatic 'da da DAAA' "-SHANIA TWAIN!!!" everyone gasped in unison.  
  
"Umm..George..do you..um..feel..ok??" Wendy asked quietly.  
  
"Of course..i feel..i feel- MAN! I fee-eel liiike a woo-man!" He suddenly sang. Everyone gasped again. Then suddenly they heard a faint, beautiful voice from the beach. Everyone headed through the brush and onto the beach where they swa a mermaid sitting on a rock singing. she looked about 7 years old (this WAS never-neverland). She started to sing again, "That dont impress-a me mUCH! so you've, got the loOKS, but have ya, got the touch, na, na, don't get me a-WROONGGG yea-ea i think yer alrIIGHT.." It was, alas, a Shania Twain classic.   
  
"Are you an angel???" George says as he walked slowly toward her, opera people singing in the background and a light shining solely on the mermaid. "I think I'm in love. wendy, Jon, Peter. It's been a pleasure. I must stay here with my one true love and obey her every whim and command. You on without me. Let the Twain be with you. Farewell." His voice faded as he disappeared into the fog. Everyone was silent for a moment, until Jon said dully,  
  
"Well, that was weird.", completely runing the moment. 


	5. Pirates!

Hey! I got more reviews!!! Woo hoo this totally made my day. REVIEW EVERYONE! If you are reading this right now you should be planning on reviewing as soon as you finish this chapter. haha. Anyway, btw, I have nothing against Shania Twain, she just seemed perfect for the story. And now, chapter 5...  
  
With much protest from Wendy at leaving her baby brother with a singing Shania-Twain-wanna-be mermaid, Peter insisted that he, Jon, and Wendy keep going and leave George to pursue his true love.  
  
"Where exactly are we?" asked Jon finally.  
  
"We are in the forest of Never-neverland! Where the sky is as blue as a choking boy's face and as beautiful as my Grandma's friend, Beatrice. Ah, that Beatrice. She is one foxy-"  
  
"Ok, enough!" Wendy interjected. Suddenly everyone gasped as a pirate with one hand and one hook jumped out of a nearby shrub. "Hold it roight thear, maities! Wought are you doin' in thess here faw-rest?"  
  
"Everyone! Stay calm! Do not fear, for PETER POT is HERE!" Wendy and Jon groaned in unison. They were getting good at doing things in unison. Peter struck a heroic pose against a tree and smiled his mock-heroic smile. "Do not fear, I say! For I, PETER POT, speak PIRATESE!"  
  
"Piratese??" The pirate repeated, looking confused. "Are you roight out of yer moind?"   
  
"Now, stay calm, children," Peter whispered, "I will now attempt to communicate with it." he paused,"Don't try this at home!" He told a nearby mulberry bush matter-of-factly.   
  
"Oi say! Maitey bushel maitey point-o-rum! Maitey oi say ye shivver-me-timberrs walk the ploink oi bucket-o-slop maitey!"   
  
"Pardon?" the pirate said in an unexpectadly polite tone.  
  
"Oi SAY" Peter started again, continuing to put together random phrases he had seen in pirate movies. The pirate, lookig extremely confused, started to walk away but suddenly turned around, saying,  
  
"Oi'll be BACK!!!"  
  
"Well then summat me poop deck maitey starboard bow oi say!" Peter shouted in reply. "Do you know who that was?" Peter asked Wendy and Jon, who were still a little stunned from his Piratese rant. It reminded them of when Dory tried to speak whale in Finding Nemo. But that, again, is a different story. "It was..."  
  
The man with the drums marched through the trees, playing a long and dramatic drumroll and wondering how much he got paid for a person who made so many appearances in the story and yet still was not identified by name. "CAPTAIN HOOK!" Peter said in a mysterious tone.  
  
"NO!" Jon exclamied, "Not THE Captain Hook!"   
  
"Oh, no" said Peter with a wave of his hand, "That was his step-dad. But this one is just as EEEVVVIIILLLL!!!" The latter word he shouted in slow motion, to get the full effect. It resulted in nothing but freaking out Wendy and Jon.   
  
"*Ahem* Anyway...we must catch Captain Hook! He will soon be after Shania-George and his lovely mermaid girlfriend!" Wendy decided she would not let anything happen to her baby brother, mermaid loving and folk singing or not.   
  
"Ok." said Wendy painstakingly with a dramatic tear in her eye, "Let's go." Peter, eyes also welling up, patted her on the back.  
  
"Stay strong, Wendicamous," he whispered with absolute corniness, "Stay strong." Just then someone fly out of a nearby tree and jumped in front of them. Everyone gasped in -you guessed it- unsion.   
  
"Naught so fast, Maitey! I think I'll be tying yer up and ganging yer before you's go's a-rescuin yer country artist brother!"  
  
"Aye aye slop yer timbers an' rum!" Peter protested, but alas, it was no use.  
  
~*~ And by the way, I just got more (*yay!*) reviews in and um..Yuki Asao, it would be a little more helpful if you could elaborate on "wtf?", thanx. And thanx to my faithful faithful reviewers! Amadea and Padfoot-Dreamer and KOI! Thank you!!! ~*~ 


	6. Lil' Tink

Hey ya'll! So I got 2 more reviews! KOI and Padfoot-dreamer i luv u!!! So anyway i don't really know where this story is going but...as they say in Beauty and the Beast...only time will tell. And i don't really say 'ya'll'. Yea. And thnx to SilverPhoenix25 for the ghetto inspiration...that's all, so read-n-REVIEW!!!!!  
  
"Mmm hmm mm mmm hmmm!!!" Jon shouted through his gagged mouth.  
  
"HmmM??" Peter replied. Wendy just rolled her eyes. Suddenly something caught her eye, its was a little sphere of light. It was floating, as if on a cloud, toward a big vase propped up on a table next to them...floating...floating...closer..closer...closer! *crash!*   
  
"Crap!" came a little feminine voice from inside the sphere! "That's the second one this week! Yo, Petey Boi, wassup?" The ghetto tone sort of took away the magic sense around the sphere. As it drew closer, the sphere revealed itself to be a little fairy with a ball of light shining off her. "Turn this thing off, dawg." She said as the light disappeared but the fairy stayed. She had blonde hair and a weird green dress which was sort of ragged-looking at the bottom. She had on a pair of big pink Converse high-tops and was floating but slightly top-heavy due to a huge gold chain around her neck.   
  
"'Sup?" She said as she looked around at Wendy, who's mouth would have been open if she hadn't been gagged. "I'm Lil' Tink. Whatz shakin'? Yo, masta' Pete, wassup wit' this G?"  
  
"Hmm mm mm hmmhmm mm mmm!" Peter replied. "OoO, you mean that thing around her mouth? Hold on," Lil' Tink said as she untied the gags from Wendy's, Jon's, and Peter's mouths. "Now, talk ta me!"   
  
"Well, I'm Wendy, and this is my brother Jon. We got trapped here by...oh for heaven's sake!" Wendy said as the Man With Drum marched into the room, but stopped short just as he was about to do a drumroll.   
  
"Li-Li-Lil' Tink??" he said emotionally, a tear in his eye.  
  
"Homie Drum?!" Lil' Tink replied, also shedding a tear. They ran in slow music toward each other and hugged, Man With Drum practically crushing Lil' Tink, while slow music played in the background.   
  
"How long, Homie Drum? How long has it been since the Fairytale Ghettos met? I missed the last club meeting! Ok, Homie Drum! It's been too long! TOO LONG!"  
  
"Bling bling!" Homie Drum replied tearfully, sobbing onto Wendy's shoulder. "We must do the pledge!" He choked, whipping out a huge gold medallion.  
  
"When the Fairy Tale Ghettos meet,  
  
We shall do this pledge to greet,  
  
Bling Bling Bling and Yo Yo Yo,  
  
There is nowhere we won't go,  
  
Ganstas from both near and far,  
  
Are never away in their hearts-"  
  
"Umm..that doesn't rhyme," interjected Wendy, only to get evil looks from the reuniting Ghetto Fairytale creatures. They continued, (in unison, of course.)  
  
"And no matter what kind of craze,  
  
We will keep our ghetto ways,  
  
And be united when we're near,  
  
And do this pledge for all to hear." They finished, as everyone clapped politely.   
  
"Um Tinker- *ahem* i mean Lil' Tink," Peter said as Lil' Tink glared at him, "Um can you untie our hands and feet?"  
  
"Whatz da magic word?" Lil' Tink prodded,  
  
"Bling." Peter said sulkily.  
  
"Fine, hold on homie G." Lil' Tink said as she untied the kids.   
  
"Well Lil' Tink, it was awesome seeing you, but Mother will be WAY worried if I'm not home for some grub, yo. Au revoir! *ahem* I mean...Peace out homie G dawg whoop!" He said as he skipped merrily away. Lil' Tink watched him, shaking her head slowly.  
  
"Bling bling..." she said, looking simply disappointed. Everyone hung their heads, mourning the loss of the ever decreasing ghetto way.   
  
"Well, we better leave before Captain Hook comes back!" Jon suddenly exclaimed, as Lil' Tink, blinded by her sphere of light, crashing into more stuff and cursing in a very un-fairylike way, followed. 


	7. ClingonEnglish Dictionary

I've gotten so many reviews!!! And all positive, except 4 that "wtf?" which by the way, person who sent that, I'm ok with constructive critism but that did not exactly help me improve as an author. If you;d like to elaborate, that would be good. ;-)! So anyway EVERYONE READING THIS as SOON as you finish you MUST REVIEW!!! Review review! Hehe I am obsessed with reviews! So thanks to my faithful reviewers, right now I'm at school so I can't list them! *much love*   
  
"Hurry!" Jon said as he peeked around the corner to avoid pirates seeing the escape. It was right about then that it hit him that, with them being out in the middle of the ocean, it might be just a tad difficult to escape. He mentioned this to the others.  
  
"Never fear! For I, PETER POT, am here! I will save the day in just a moment, please hold your applause!" he said, striking a pose and putting on his 'fearless yet charming' look (he had been practicing his "looks" in the mirror for weeks). Peter snapped twice, looking aaround expectantly. Nothing happened. He snapped again, still nothing. "Do not fear, children! Just some-er- technical difficulties!" Lil' Tink rolled her eyes.  
  
"Yo, foo'! I installed a PASSWORD last week so no one could just go hackin' into da system! Ya hea'?"   
  
"Um...yea?" Peter replied, looking a little confused.   
  
"Bling bling!" shouted Lil' Tink, snapping twice.  
  
"Who would have guessed that password?" Wendy said sarcastically under her breath. Suddenly everyone gasped, in unison of course, as a big golden ship flew down and landed on the deck. Once they had all boarded, Peter decided to introduce them to the crew.  
  
"Here, my friends, is the captain, Captain Enterprise." he leaned a little closer to them, whispering, "He likes Star Trek."   
  
"Just smile and nod." Jon whispered to Wendy. They both, in unison, smiled and nodded. It looked extremely weird.   
  
"Hooch hala lee chong-chong gimmer baba!" The Captain said to them. "Reemasi waba fraba!"  
  
"He speaks Clingon." Peter said matter-pf-factly at their puzzled expressions. Clingon, alas, was the language spoken on Star Trek. True fact.  
  
"Watchi tok bon bon relaly?" the captain inquired.  
  
"Let me introduce myself," said a shipmate, stepping foward, "I am Pedro. I speak Clingon and English, and Ghetto as well," he added, winking at Lil' Tink. She groaned and flew elsewhere. "So I can be your translator. Captain Enterprise says "Hello, good passengers. How are you pine tree?" Jon and Wendy looked at each other.   
  
Wendy looked at Pedro "Um-" she started  
  
"OKAY!! You got me!!! You talked me into confessing! You persuaded me! Please! Have mercy!!!"   
  
"What are you talking abo-"  
  
"OKAY I ADMIT IT!! I'm not really a translator! I just use this damn Clingon-English dictionary! I got it at Dollar-Mart! I'm a fraud! A FRAUD, I say!" He suddenly started sobbing uncontrollably and ran to the edge of the boat and abondoned ship, in a vain attempt to take his own life. Unfortunately, they were still parked safely on the deck on the larger pirate ship. He sheepishly climbed back onboard, a little bruised up, and slouched into his cabin, not to be seen again until dinner. 


	8. The Long Chapter to Make Up for the Rece...

Heyy all! I now have 3 PAGES of reviews! It's awesome. My faithful, faithful reviewers, u guys r the best. Incase whoever's reading this didn't notice already, I LOVE REVIEWS! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW everyone! Ok I think you get the idea, :-D. So READ N REVIEW! OMG I just realized chapter 7 was EXTREMELY short! Sorry about that. This one will be longer! REVIEW!!!!  
  
Peter, Wendy, and Jon were in their cabin below deck, sitting around a table and playing Poker. Peter's plastic green visor went wonderfully with his tights. Suddenly Wendy looked up and gasped.  
"Wendy! Haven't you ever heard of keeping a poker face??" Jon scolded.  
"I just thought of something! We didn't bring clean socks and underwear!" fell to the ground in slow motion, "N-N-N-O-O-o-o-o!-!-!" she shouted, also in slow motion as she collapsed dramatically on the floor. "I'm so irresponsible! What will Mother and Father think?" She ran out the room, sobbing hysterically. Jon and Peter looked at each other.  
"Got any twos?"  
"Go fish."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Meanwhile... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Good morning!" George said to his little mermaid girlfriend.  
"Good morning!" she replied, "And look at the sky! There isn't a cloud! Look, look at the sky, it's..." she suddenly burst into song, "UP! Up, up, we can only go-wo u-up from here! Up up!" and skipped merrily away, singing. George smiled fondly at her and then went to make breakfast. He suddenly shrieked as he saw his bacon...it was BURNT!  
"Oh, no! Not my bacon! What will my beautiful Shania-Twain-singing mermaid girlfriend think if she knows I can't even cook BACON?" he felt the urge to burst into tears but resisted. "No.." he said as he as well burst into song, this one was a Shania Twain Oldie,  
"bla-aaaaaaack eeeyes, ah-I don't neeed 'em, blUUUUUe tears, give me FREEEDom, a-yea-ea..." he sang.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Wendy! There you are! I have been looking all over for you, but of course, I found you!" Peter said, presenting his "Sympathetic-yet-heroic" look. Wendy rolled her eyes and walked out the room, sniffling and muttering about being a failure.  
"Maybe I should give you some time alone," Peter said in an attempt to convince himself that Wendy had not just ignored his heroic fete of finding her, as he walked in the other direction and up onto the deck. Suddenly a knock caame at the door.  
*Knock! Knock!*  
"Just a moment!" Peter said in a pleasant voice. He ran to the floor, flung it open, and struck his famous would-be heroic pose. "I am PETER POT! Why does thee knock upon my door? Are you in danger?" He shouted at a little boy dressed like a raccoon. "Ah, it's just one of the Lost Boys!" he said to himself.  
"I'm lost." said the little raccoon-boy.  
"Me too." said a boy behind him, dressed like a squirrel.  
"Me three! hehe," said a little boy dressed like a beaver, laughing at his own joke.  
"I'm lost." said one dressed like a Guatemalan Woodpecker. Everyone just stared at him.  
"CURSE YOU ALL! Why did I have to be the tropical wood-eating bird? Everyone ELSE got to be a small furry rodent-like creature! It's not fair, not fair.." he walked away, muttering under his breath in a foreign language. It was weird.  
"Wait a moment.." Wendy said, appearing out of nowhere and seeming to forget her unresponsible woes, "That strange muttering Woodpecker boy reminds me of something...I REMEMBER!!!" she suddenly shouted. "UREIKA! I remember!! I was 5 years old..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Mommy, can I go into the woods?"  
"No, Wendy. You may not. Those woods are evil, if you go there the monsters will kill you and use your bones to make their bread." the smiling Mother said gently and cheerfully. "Now stay right here while I go take care of Baby Jon!" The little Wendy watched her mother go inside and then made a mad dash for The Woods. After walking for a little while she came to a swamp.  
"Eww..." she said to herself. "What's THAT? It can't be...no...not...THE EVIL GUATALAMAN WOODPECKER OF DOOOOOOM!!!!" she shrieked as a giant woodpecker emerged from the muck. Suddenly in a flash a green spandex she was swept off her feet and flown away into the sunset. The next thing she remembered, she was home again.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~END FLASHBACK~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"It was you...you saved me that day from the monster!" She said emotionally with tears in her eyes.  
"Yes," Peter whispered, "Yes, Wendy, it was I who saved you when you were just a little girl. Because...because..." Wendy just looked at him.  
"Because what, Peter?"  
"Because...I...I...I am PETER POT!!!" he said, striking yet another heroic pose. It sort of ruined the moment. Oh well. If this was a romance it would say so in the summary.  
  
A/N: Ok, everyone. I got So many reviews, so I would like to respond to a few:  
  
FluffyPinkFlamingo: Hey Danielle! Thanks for all the reviews! (I LOVE REVIEWS!!!) Anyway, I am well aware that two chapters are WAYYY too short, I don't know why I didn't realize until I posted them, they must have seemed longer. Oh, and a big thing: TYPOS! Sorry everyone! I was rushing when I wrote most of these, for one thing. And also for some weird reason I wrote the whole thing on notepad instead of Microsoft Word. I know, it's weird. I have no idea why. So anyway now that I'm on Microsoft I can actually use spellcheck! REJOICE!  
  
Mallory: Wow. That's freaky. I had no idea what ANY of the names were except Wendy, I didn't even know there was a Jon and George IN the real story, I must have had a strange childhood lingering memory...*ahem*...well thanx for the review!!! Keep reviewing! Wow, I love this spellcheck..  
  
Um, yea that's all I have to say. Chapter 8 has been under construction for a LONGGG time because I'm trying to make it extra-long in order to make up for chapter 7! That's lousy excuse for a chapter! It should be ASHAMED! ASHAMED! MUA HA HA! MUA HA..HA..ha..ha..*ahem*..yea. So REVIEW everyone! Much appreciated. Oh, wait! I want 2 write an HP parody, because I LOVE HP! So send me ideas!!! Thanks! And as yet another public apology for my lame-ass chapter 7, a review song. This is probably totally stupid but it took me FOREVER so appreciate it! REVIEW!  
  
Ok, this is to the tune of the SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS THEME SONG! I KNOW I read a story where they did spongebob, and I can't remember who or I would ask for permission. So whoever you are, if you're reading this, email if you have a problem and I'll take it off!  
  
Are ya ready, kids?  
  
Aye, aye, Captain!  
  
I can't HEAAAR ya!  
  
Aye, aye, Captain!  
  
Oooo there once was a girl who wrote fanfics all day,  
  
RE-VIEW PETER POT!  
  
But no one reviewed and that wasn't okay!  
  
RE-VIEW PETER POT!  
  
This song really sucks and I know that that's true!  
  
RE-VIEW PETER POT!  
  
But it shows how far I'll go to get a review!  
  
RE-VIEW PETER POT!  
  
SING IT WITH ME!  
  
REEEEEEVIEW PETER POT!  
  
REEEEEEVIEW PETER POT!  
  
REEEEEEVIEW PETER POT!  
  
Re-vieeeeeeew, Peter pot!!  
  
*deedle dee dee doo deedly dee, dum dum!*  
  
Wow. That was bad. But hey, most of you are gonna be like "haha" and then clilck back a few times and read a different story. We're all guilty of it. Me too *shame*. So please just take 2 minutes out of your busy busy schedules and put a smile on somebody's face! *SMILE!!!* Thank you. 


	9. The Plan

Hey everyone! After much thought, I have decided to change my penname to *Chica890*. So anyway, I need ideas for this story because I'm not really sure where it's going. Oh, and I'm trying to make the chapters longer. So READ N REVIEW! Pleeeeaaasse???  
  
"Yeblonk!!!" Captain Enterprise shouted into a large megaphone.  
"Dinner!!!" Pedro shouted into another large Megaphone.  
  
Everyone rushed up onto the deck and sat around a large table.  
"Ooo turkey! Hehehe! My favorite! haha!" the beaver lost boy said maniacally. Once they were all settled around the table they started talking about what they should do about the Pirates, who were on the wrong island. Suddenly with a *crash!* and a  
"Damn you, table!" Lil' Tink made her entrance. She promptly shut off her light and began to stuff her little face full of turkey, potatoes, carrots, bread, and various other things not meant to be eaten. Everyone just stared at her.  
  
"Well..er..anyway..Oh, Lil' Tink be careful! Chew and swallow! You'll choke yourself!" said the matronizing Wendy. "Well anyway. I- Oh my goodness!" she suddenly shrieked, pointing into the distance. The pirates' ship was coming after them!  
"What?! The pirates' ship isn't supposed to fly, just this one!" Jon exclaimed, flipping through a Peter Pan book. But, nevertheless, the Pirates' ship was flying after them. Captain Enterprise jumped up and ran to the wheel, putting the ship in full speed, and sailing/flying into the distance.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"AHH!!!" shrieked George's Shania-Twain singing girlfriend, at a loss even to associate a Shania Twain song with her anger. Alas, there was no song called "My Idiot Boyfriend Burnt The Bacon".  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A few hours later, somewhere above Never-neverland..  
  
"I think we've got them! But we shouldn't artichoke!" Pedro shouted, attempting to translate Captain Enterprise.  
"I think we've lost them. But we shouldn't stop." Wendy corrected in a bored voice, sporting a FIVE-dollar-mart Clingon-English Dictionary.  
Pedro stuck out his tongue at her and stalked away.  
"Alright everyone, here's the plan." Peter announced, "The pirates are after us, right? So I say we sail away, then turn around and come back. But not only do we come back, NO, NO MY FRIENDS! We go back to the Pirate Island! We lure them back to where they belong!"  
Everyone stared at him.  
"Sure, whatever." Jon replied.  
"Sounds like it could work!" Wendy exclaimed  
"Yo mamma!" Lil' Tink agreed  
"Daboo kaka wham" Captain Enterprise.um.said.  
"Then what are we waiting for?" Peter looked up towards the sky, thrusting his hand into to air. "AWAY!!!" he shouted in slow-mo.  
  
A/N: I feel like this is losing funniness. I need some suggestions! REVIEW and give me ideas. I wonder if I should start my HP parody.but I dunno wat characters to use or anything. And I love R/Hr, but I'm starting to like D/Hr too. How about Ron is secretly in love with Hermione, who's secretly in love with Draco, who's secretly in love with.um..um. a little help here? Well, we will see. In the meantime, that little box that says "GO!" for a review is calling your name! Do you hear it? DO YOU HEAR IT?! *ahem* please review! Oh, and this chapter is way too short, but I'm low on ideas. I need some BRAIN FOOD, man! Um..chocolate! Of course! I love chocolate. It's so good. Do you love chocolate? *ahem*, anyway...  
  
:+:*~*THE REVIEW SONG*~*:+:  
  
To the tune of...I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES!  
  
Please review Peter Pot because you're really cool,  
  
'Cause you're really cool,  
  
'Cause you're really cool,  
  
If you don't review now it means that you're a fool,  
  
So reeevieeew Peeeeter Poootttt!!!  
  
Thank, you, thank you! Please hold your applause. Now unless you want another miserable attempt at a review song, I suggest you click that button now! And even if you DO want another miserable attempt at a review song, CLICK IT ANYWAY! 


	10. On the Run

A/N:  Hey!  Ok, I haven't posted in a LONGGGG time, I know!  Please forgive me!  I've been busy working on HPatSM and reading various other fanfics.  Lol.  And I was planning on writing last night, but my mom was at this thing late and I got back around midnight...there's something strangely fun about eating Wendy's at midnight.  Eat great, even late.  Ah.  How sweet it is.

***

            "Quickly, Captain!  To the starboard bow!" Peter shouted, playfully giggling and wearing a huge plastic pirates' hat.  Wendy rolled her eyes.

            "Come on!  We have a long day ahead of us.  Jon, you sweep up the cabins, I'll make breakfast after I meet the other sailors."

As the sailors lined up single file, Wendy eyed them suspiciously.  They did not look like a worthy crew, but it would have to do.

_Hey, that rhymed,_

Wendy thought.  But there were more important matters at hand.  She looked at the sailors.  They looked at her.  

            "Um...Peter?" Wendy said, confused, "Why are all the sailors three feet tall and dressed as assorted woodland creatures?"  Peter cleared his throat and cast a Look over at the "sailors"

            "Please, Wendy!  You'll hurt their feelings!  At least be a bit quieter!  Now, let's meet them, shall we?  Come, Lost Boys!  Say hello to Wendy!"

Each Lost Boy stepped out in turn and recited their names.  When all was done, the little one dressed like a beaver that Wendy had seen earlier rushed out from the cabin.

            "Sorry I'm late!  Heh heh, I was helping Jon sweep, hee hee hee" he said manically, occasionally twitching his right eye.  "Oh, it's the _girl_.  Hello, _girl_. Heh heh, what's your name? heh heh heh"

            "My name is Wendy." Wendy said suspiciously.  She had the bizarre feeling that the Beaver boy was plotting something against her.  She edged farther away from him and hesitantly ducked into the cabin.

            "Um...Jon?" she inquired of her brother, "Does that Lost Boy dressed as a beaver seem a little...weird...to you?" 

            "Oh, Wendy!" Jon scolded, "Cut him some slack!  He's been through a lot!  He is a Lost Boy, after all.  Poor kid.  He's probably innerly tortured, a dove, just trying to be free..." Jon trailed off, wiping away a tear.  Wendy just looked at him and then walked out of the cabin and back into the bright sunshine.  She whipped out a pair of chic sunglasses and walked over to the edge of the boat, looking across the clouds.

            "Hubba hubba!" a voice behind her made her jump.  It was none other than the Beaver Boy.

"Who are you?  What do you want from me?!  What have I ever done to offend you?!" she shrilled, almost losing her balance and falling into dismal sky space.  The little Beaver smirked at her and skipped away.

"Peter!" Wendy whispered fiercely as she found him near the hull.  "The Beaver kid has it in for me!  I can tell!  He hates me because I'm a girl!" 

            "Oh, Wendy," Peter smiled broadly, "Don't worry!  He couldn't hurt a fly!  And besides, PETER POT! is here!" he said, striking a pose that involved his hands on his hips and his chest puffed out in a mock-brave stance.  Wendy snorted and walked away.  

She wandered around until she found Jon steering the boat.

            "You do know that in Peter Pan none of this happens?" Wendy said, flipping through Jon's Peter Pan book, "In fact, I'd say the only thing in common are some characters.  And even those are messed up."

            "Don't ask me," Jon replied, concentrating on steering through the air, "Chica890 is the one who has issues with staying on plot.  I mean, have you read the earlier chapters?"

***SOMEWHERE IN NEW JERSEY....***

Chica890 hung her head in shame.

***BACK SOMWHERE IN THE SKY ABOVE NEVER-NEVER-LAND***

"Whatever.  The point is, Jon, that I came to see you in the first place because I think that that Lost Boy is a potential hazard to my well-being" Wendy recited.  Jon just rolled his eyes and handed the steering wheel to her.  They sailed on through the night, not quite sure where they were headed.  But alas, it is adventure that drivith thy sailor spirit.  Not the fact that drivith is not a word.

***

"OHH!" Captain Hook Jr. shouted, madly scrubbing his beautifully shiny long black hair.

"OHH, YES!" He cried, proudly sporting an Herbal Essences bottle.  Strange topless men jumped out from the cabin (this wasn't as effective as when the shampoo-ee was a woman) and danced around the Captain.

"I've got it!" he sang again, twirling and flashing his brilliant smile, "I've got the URGE!"

"Herbal Essences! He's got the urge!" the random topless men sang, also smiling.

"Ohh, the urge!  Now with...HAWOFENA!" the Captain screamed, jumping around madly and nearly falling overboard.

"HAAAAAWOFENA! HAWOFENA!" the topless men continued to chant.  Suddenly the music stopped and the men strolled back to the cabin.

            "HEEEEEERBAL ESSENCEEEEEEESSS!!! Ooooo!" Captain Hook Jr. sang, doing a wonderful twirl and landing gracefully, his sleek waist-long hair falling over his shoulders.  He looked remarkably like Johnny Depp in PotC, only with better hair.  It was hot.

***

Wendy sighed as she looked over the edge of the boat.  Below her was a vast ocean of air and clouds.  It was unnatural.  She began to sing a song to the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"

            "I am stuck out on thiiiis shiiiip.

            With a crazy-stockinged buffoon...

            If only someone would come pleeeease review,

            I wouldn't be here all aaafternoon,

            For it sucks, sucks, sucks, and it smeeellls here!

            And Chica890 works so hard!

            I say PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE come review,

            Or I'll eeeat sooooomme lard!"

And with that she slouched away to her bunk.

_______________________________________________________________________

A/N:  Yea, had to cram a review song in there somewhere!  Sorry if this chapter was short.  I can never tell if it is or not.  I'm eager to post the next chapter of HPatSM because I'm planning on starting the RPSA, but that's a different story.  So, since I can't think of any witty comments right now, because I'm too busy sneezing my head off, I will now proceed to the Honorable Mentions:

:+:~*HONORABLE MENTIONS*~:+:

**FunkyPinkFlamingo****: **Thank you for your never-ceasing reviews!  Yay!  I love constant reviewing!  I can feel the self-confidence radiating off of my computer screen! WHOO HOO! *ahem* THANK YOU!

**Padfoot~Dreamer****:** Ah, can't wait tomorrow.  Lol, Miracle, the Grand Buffet, and Jason.  Wonderful.  THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWING!!!! I keep making a mental note to go read the rest of your story and then I always remember I haven't posted in like 3 weeks or something.  I will, don't worry.  Right after I get a new folder, refill on looseleaf, put back together my math binder, get my midterm signed...what was I talking about again?

**Black Triforce: **In your review, at the end you said, "THANKS ISHI FOR TELLING ME 'BOUT THIS STORY!" *gasp*! Are you meaning to imply that someone..told you...about...MY STORY?!?!  AHH!!!  O..m..g...*wipes away a tear*,  THEY LIKE ME! THEY REALLY LIKE ME!!!  You totally made me day, dude.  Dudette.  Same dif'.

**Ishi****: **I have no idea who you are but THANK YOU, THANK YOU for telling someone about my story!  I feel so honored!  I luv you!!!!

**Zorrina****: **You are singly the only reviewer ever to suggest an idea.  Whoa.  I was so totally impressed!  Peace!  And incase you didn't notice, you totally sparked the Herbal Essences scene!  That one goes out to you!  MWA!

Yea.  So a lot of people have also been commenting in their reviews something along the lines of "a little weird...".  Honesty is good.  But for the most of you who haven't met me, I'm weird.  WEIRD IS COOL!!!! BWA HA HA!.  Um.  Ya.  And that's all, folks.  Did I hear that in a different story?  OK, rephrase...And THAT'S the way the cookie crumbles!  Bruce Almighty.  Great movie.


	11. Drunk Driving, Judges, and a Gingerbread...

Hey!  I haven't posted a new chapter for this story in awhile, I know.  So sorry.  I DID just get around to posting my newest chapter of Sixteen though, so go read and review it!  After you review this one, of course...

So anyway, please review.  I think I'll write a review song at the end, just to get you to review...yea...ok...REVIEW!

**Warning:**  This chapter may or may not be the result of consuming multiple mini-boxes of Jujyfruits.  You have been warned.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

            "W e n d y ! ! !" Brad Pitt called in slow motion, gallivanting towards her in... slow motion.

Wendy awoke suddenly, feeling groggy.  Why did she always wake up before the kiss?!?!  Suddenly she shrieked as she looked out the cabin window.  There was a pudgy little face pressed to the glass.  A face that belonged to none other than...

The Beaver Boy.

Squealing with fright, Wendy grabbed her .37 and blew a large hole through the glass with a BANG!.  Smiling with satisfaction, Wendy set the rifle down only to discover that the strange boy had escaped before the bullet connected with his face.

_Damn._

Oh well, another morning, another stalker, another opportunity, eh?  With this comforting thought the girl stood up, walking towards the small shower.  Checking for cameras or other illegal beaver-spy equipment, she turned on the water and stepped in. 

Screaming, she jumped out again.  The water was...cold...and it was...salty.  Queer, queer indeed.  

It took Wendy a moment to realize that, in fact, this really _was_ queer, due to the fact that although she was in a boat, she was hundreds of feet above the surface of the earth, sailing through the sky.  

            "Wendy!" her brother Jon called, knocking on the door.  "Are you in there?  It's time for breakfast!"

            "Just a minute!" she called back, quickly getting dressed.  Once satisfied with her new sexy she-pirate look, Wendy headed on deck to eat.  She was adequately disturbed to find Peter at the steering wheel, for a few reasons.

One was that Wendy was always a girl who followed the rules.  And, due to her knowledge of the "no drunk driving" law, she was displeased to see that Peter did not appear entirely sober.  Wendy quickly whipped out her detective kit, complete with a plaid Sherlock hat.  

            "Peter...how many fingers am I holding up?" Wendy inquired, waving her index finger in front of his face.

            "That's a trick question!  You said how many 'fingers', as in plural, but you're only holding one...as in..._not_ plural!" Peter cleverly concluded, chucking an empty beer bottle at Wendy's head.  She picked it up, dusting for fingerprints.

            "Well..." she said to herself, "Although this empty alcohol bottle _does_ appear a tad suspicious, he got the finger question right.  And the finger question tells all, so there you have it." she sadly removed her hat and stuffed it back into her detective bag.

The other reason Wendy was worried about Peter steering was that they appeared to be rapidly hurtling towards the ground.  Making sure her detective gear was neatly tucked into the proper pockets (the pockets were labeled things like "invisible ink" and "magnifying glass", so as not to confuse the detectives-in-training), she looked up and screamed just as they crashed into a rather large oak tree and a cute little gingerbread house.

            "Crazy kids!  No respect!" cried an old woman (who looked strangely like a witch...), waving a cane at the crashed ship.  A candy cane, to be exact.

            "Thank you!  Thank you!  Come, Gretel, come!  That was a close call!" cried a little German boy, tugging a little German girl along with him.

            "Yes, yes, Hansel!  We must put "Eating strangers' houses" on our list of things not to do!" the little girl said as the two disappeared into the woods.  

Laughing good-naturedly, Peter threw down the anchor (it seemed a bit unnecessary...) and jumped onto the ground, crying "Land ho!" 

            "No kidding..." Wendy mumbled, still bitter from her missed opportunity to send Peter to the Slammer.

Suddenly, Peter pulled out about a thousand yellow flyers, Scotch-taping them to various trees.  Wendy shook her head as she read one.  It appeared that Peter was recruiting a Lost-Boy army to take over the world.  Wendy sighed in dismay as she plopped down on the ground and promptly fell asleep.

***

            "Over here, over here!" Someone with a large neon orange flag was waving towards a large clearing in the forest and ushering a few boys in.  Wendy looked around, confused.

            "What's going on?" she asked the boy with the flag.  He did a double-take as he looked at her and then let out a high shriek.  

            "You're....you're a girl!  AHH!  EVERYONE!  COOTIE ALERT!  Cootie ALERT!!  This is not a drill, I repeat, this is NOT A DRILL!" suddenly there was mass chaos as little boys started swarming everywhere, ducking under trees and trying to dig holes in the ground.  Shaking her head, Wendy rolled her eyes and walked into the now empty clearing.

Fearful little eyes watched her every move from their hiding placed amongst the forest.  

After about twenty minutes and many anti-cootie procedures, Wendy was finally accepted into the "judging square", which was the clearing in the forest she had seen a few minutes ago.  She was surprised to see a table set up, with a large sign reading "JUDGES TABLE" above it.

She was even more surprised to see that sitting at the table were none other than Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and Simon Cowell.  Peter walked into the middle of the clearing amidst loud cheers and applause.

            "Hello everyone, and welcome to LOST BOY IDOL!" he said into his microphone as all the strange little boys applauded once again.  After a bit more of his speech, Peter introduced the first hopeful, a boy dressed up as a strange-looking dog.

The boy walked into the middle of the clearing, facing the judges.

            "All right," said Simon, "And you are...a dog?" 

The boy looked extremely hurt.  "I'm a fox!  A _fox_, dammit!" the exclaimed, eyes welling up with tears.  

            "Okay, okay, get on with it..." Peter mumbled, nudging the boy forward a few steps.  After a little tantrum, the boy pulled out a piece of paper.       

            "I have composed a poem of why I should be a Lost Boy," said the boy.  He began to read the poem, which stated creative points, such as the fact that he was lost and he was a boy.  After he finished with a little bow, he awaited the judges response.

Fidgeting nervously from foot to foot, he anxiously looked at Randy, who would be the first to give his opinion.

Randy looked back.  "You know, dawg - "

"I'M A FOX!!!"  The boy screamed, running from the woods and off to who-knows-where.  

After hours of chaos, they decided to take a lunch break.  Wendy, Peter, and Jon gathered around a picnic table with a little red-and-white checkered tablecloth.  Happily munching cornbeef sandwiches, they divulged in small talk to pass the time.  Suddenly Wendy squealed as something shiny and glowing dove into her pink lemonade.

She groaned.  It was none other than... Lil' Tink.

            "Lil' Tink?" Wendy intelligently inquired.

            "Yo' Mamma!" Lil' Tink affirmed.

_translation__: Yes, it is I, Lil' Tink.  I didn't mean to disturb you by diving into your pink beverage, how are you?_

            "I'm fine, how are you?" Wendy answered.

            "I be da shizzit, yo!  Down with the up-yo and the fee fi digit!" Lil' Tink responded.

_translation__: I'm quite well, thank you.  I was just headed down to get something to eat.  It's a very nice day, don't you agree?_

"Yes, it's lovely out.  I'm serving the food, what would you like?" Wendy questioned.

            "Biotch!" Lil' Tink commanded.

_translation: I'll take a sirloin steak and some whole-grain bread, too.  Also I'd like a glass of water if it isn't too much trouble._

"Coming right up!" Wendy exclaimed.

            "Foo'!" Lil' Tink answered.

_translation: Nifty!_

And with that Lil' Tink sat down across from Peter and began to talk to him.  Peter apparently didn't understand a word she was saying.

            "Uh...yo?" Peter responded as Lil' Tink finished what appeared to be a very funny story, by the way milk was streaming from the fairy's nose.

            "DAMN STRAIGHT!" Lil' Tink shouted, howling with laughter.

It was going to be a loooong day.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N:  Holy crap, I'm alive!  And you all thought (or maybe *hoped*) I'd gotten hit by a bus!

Yea, sorry, I know I haven't updated this story in like... forever... but yea I was really busy with Sixteen, but then it got screwed up, so then I deleted it (I'm re-posting it, though) and etc. etc.

PLEASE REVIEW THIS CHAPTER!  I know many of you are probably giving me the silent treatment for taking so long, but SUCK IT UP!  Life's not fair! *cracks whip*.

Whoo I'm hyper.  Yes.  So please review, it would mean a lot to me, whether you liked this chapter or not!  Constructive critism (not flaming) is welcome, so is praise.  Lol.

And incase you weren't planning on reviewing, here's a little review poem just for you!

-------

I worked so hard on this chapter,

I haven't posted in awhile,

But I do promise that if you review,

It will make me smile!

Reviews warm the heart,

So don't be a fart,

Click that button that says 'Go!',

And send reviews now, I love them so!

-------

Oh my lord.  I think I may be slowly (or quickly) losing my mind... dearie me.

Please review and bring me back to sanity!!  OMG, that was NOT intended to rhyme, I swear!!!


End file.
